Channel 0-10 Reasons Why Johnny Depp SHOULD Retire

Noah: Hi everybody!

Dcatpuppet: So, I read on the internet that Johnny Depp said he’s probably going to retire soon.

[Noah, Adam and Jasmine are silent]

Noah, Adam, Jasmine: Hooray!

Dcat: Hey, that’s kind of mean. People really like Johnny Depp.

Noah: We do too, but we’re not cheering to us, we’re cheering because Tim Burton will now stop making terrible movies! Yay!

Dcat: I liked some of his movies.

Adam: Dark Shadows got a 38% on Rotten Tomatoes. We must give Johnny Depp 10 reasons to retire!

Noah: #10-Age. Mr. Depp is 50 years old. So that means people when you daydream about kissing Johnny Depp, it’s like daydreaming about making out with grandpa.

Fiona: A very, very attractive grandpa.

Adam: #9-Money. So Johnny Depp’s 50 years old. He’s worth about $350,000,000. If you do the math, he’s made about $19,000 a day since the day he was born.

Noah: if I retire, I would have $19!

Adam: …what?

Noah: Heh-heh.

Neko: #8-Acadamy Award. Johnny, you’re a great actor. And now since you’re going to retire, it’s a brilliant move. You’re forcing Hollywood to finally give you an Oscar.

Jeff the Killer: He’ll probably win for Pirates of the Caribbean 5-Regurgitated Tides of the Same Old Crap. And speaking of crap…

Nakato: #7-Tonto. Some people are offended that Johnny Depp played Tonto in Disney’s Lone Ranger movie, but Johnny does claim he’s part Native American.

Noah: But he was in a band called Tonto’s Giant Nuts. I don’t know what that means but I’m pretty sure it’s offensive.

Jasmine: #6-Phobias. Johnny Depp suffers from coulrophobia. Which means he’s scared of clowns.

Noah: Scared of clowns? But he spent so much time painting his face and wobbling around! He must quit!

Jasmine: yeah, at the rate his wacky, wobbling, make-up wearing characters are going, he’s going to end up playing a clown in a movie someday! Which may actually kill him!

Noah: AAAAHHHH!

Leah: #5-Skeet Ulrich. Johnny, Skeet Ulrich has been waiting for you to retire for 20 years.

Noah: Poor Skeet needs your job. For the last 5 years, all he’s been doing is Robot Chicken and Law & Order.

Fiona: #4-Sexiest Man Alive! Johnny Depp, Richard Gere, George Clooney, and Brad Pitt are all tied for People’s magazine Sexiest Man Alive.

Noah: And they should all quit!

Fiona: What?

Noah: They need to clear a path for Patton Oswalt to finally claim the prize for which he was born! To win!

Rizzo: #3-Keith Richards. Captain Jack Sparrow was inspired by Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards. *holds up image of recent picture of Keith Richards*

Noah: Ugh, he should’ve retired 30 years ago. He looks like half old gypsy woman and half Yoda!

Rizzo and Noah: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!

Floyd Pepper: Hey, don’t insult Keith Rich-*sees Image* Actually, he looked better in 1972.

Luffy: #2 *logo for Pirates of the Caribbean pops up, scaring Luffy*

Usopp: Johnny, you have to quit, or Disney will never ever stop making Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

Luffy: I’m very certain that I’m ready for them to be over…but if they made another one I’d probably see it.

BEN Drowned: And #1-Nightmare on Elm Street ‘sucked into a bed’ scene?

Neko: Johnny Depp hasn’t aged a day since Freddy Krueger pulled him through a bed in 1984.

*shows scene from Nightmare on Elm Street. Blood spurts out of the bed*

Noah: Johnny, seriously! Go ahead and retire! You’d never top your finest acting performance!

Dcat: I still don’t want him to. You know what! I’m going to grab people from the Johnny Depp fan club and we’ll come up with reasons why he should not retire! Stay tuned watchers!

THE END